yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
