The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize