He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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