I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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