I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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