I hate all girls vehemently.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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