I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
