3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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