I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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