The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
