im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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