We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
