you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
