I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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