You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
