Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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