I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
