It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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