I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
