Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
