so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
