I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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