The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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