You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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