p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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