Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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