I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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