he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
