Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
