I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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