i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize