It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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