genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
