I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
