I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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