She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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