if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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