Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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