Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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