Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
