Whod you bang
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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