Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
