Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
