My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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