he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
