I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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