Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
