Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
