my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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