Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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