glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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