so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize