I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
