dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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