I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
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My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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