My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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