I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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