My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
