If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
