Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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