I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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