I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
