I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
