you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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