I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
