Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
