Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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