sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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