What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
